Five months.....

We've been a forever family for five months today.  Somedays it seems like she was just placed in our arms and somedays it seems like she has been here since birth.

Our sweet Ella has come so far.  When she came home, she didn't sit up really well by herself, didn't babble a whole lot, and was very clingy.  Wouldn't you be the same way if you had been left at four months old?  When I think of that thought, my heart breaks for what my sweet girl went through for the first nine months of her life.  Today marks our five months home, it also marks her being in one home, our home, for longer than she's been anywhere else.  She was with her birthmother for four months, the orphanage in her village and the orphanage in Addis Ababa for six weeks, and our agency transition home for three months.  She has now been with us for five months.  While my heart swells with joy for that milestone, it also mourns.  It mourns a birthmother we will never know. A birthmother we will never be able to thank for her selfless sacrifice. A birthmother that we pray for but long for a face to go with her.  I wonder if Ella looks like her, acts like her.  I wonder and worry about what we will tell our sweet girl when the time comes for her to ask where she came from.  Sure, we can tell her about Ethiopia, the love we have for the country and her people, how our hearts will never be the same because of what we saw and witnessed there but we won't be able to answer the really hard questions because we.don't.know.  That is the really hard, messy part of adoption.

During sweet Ella's time home, she has learned to crawl, sit up, feed herself, walk, say "mama" (my absolute favorite), "dada", has learned to love her family, she loves her brothers, and she has gotten two teeth.  But more than anything, she has learned we are here for her, that we will never leave her, that when I drop her off at the sitter, I will be back. She has learned to trust us.  We are blessed beyond measure that our Heavenly Father chose her for our family.  When I think of His plan for our lives and hers, it blows.my.mind! How he loves us!

I do want you do know that while our story seems easy, there were really, really hard days.  There were days where I held Ella all day because she would panic if I put her down.  I couldn't shower without her outside the shower door and even then, there were days when she would just cry until I picked her up.  There were days when I didn't know if we could go on.  There were days when my bio kids asked, why we brought her sister home.  That hurts to type, but I'm being honest.  There were days when my boys would cry and tell me I only loved Ella.  They didn't understand what had happened to her because they had never been left.  It was hard but looking back, I wouldn't change it.

We are changed because of her, we are changed because of Him.  We are changed because we answered the call. We are changed because we obeyed. We are blessed!  I once heard someone say, "when you answer the call and adopt, you flaunt the face of God to others." It's true. When I see Ella, I see God and my heart swells with joy because I love her so and I love Him so.

Until next time, be blessed.